Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
