i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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