Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
