So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
