There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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