Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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