I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
