I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Princesses don't give blow jobs
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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