why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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