Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
