sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
