I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
