Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
