Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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