she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
