He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
