my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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