So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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