Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
