This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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