how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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