I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
