I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
