there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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