Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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