I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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