I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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