i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
