My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
