Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
