bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
