I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
