I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
