if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
