walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
