So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
kristin has been a bad kristin
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
