Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
