Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
