His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
