finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
