Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
