i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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