highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You made out with two different species that night
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
