I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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