he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
