1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
