last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
