Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My vagina just recognized that song.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
