My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
