RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
