You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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