I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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